I love observing people and since I became a mother I observe other people’s parenting styles, their children’s personalities and behavior. It is a lot of fun actually. I am no psychologist but one thing I have noticed is that children’s personality traits are greatly influenced by their parents. And here I am talking about adult children. You would not be able to tell much by looking at a 2 year old or a 5 year old but when you observe a 40 year old man and then look at his parents, you realize how similar his thought pattern is to his parents. You are a product of your past experiences. Of course at any time you can break out of patterns made by your past, but that requires a lot of conscious awareness and willpower (this is a topic for another post).
Children are like sponges, They absorb whatever is there in their environment and store it in their brain. For example you and your hubby had a fight. Although you took care not to argue in front of your child, you continued to give your husband the cold shoulder. You might think that your toddler or preschooler will not be able to notice this but trust me they can feel the vibes and if this is a frequent occurrence they will learn that ignoring people is the solution to problems.
One day I was feeling very tired and stressed out. I was just sitting and thinking about all the stuff I had to do. Little H came in the room and completely surprised me by asking what happened mama. She is only 2.3 but she could feel the tension emanating from me. So never underestimate children.
It is often the things that we do not notice about ourselves that our children learn from us. I realized that after marriage when I got to look at my husband’s parents and my parents and realized that our current communication styles are so much influenced by our parents.
Some traits that I observed children learn from their parents:
Specifically optimism is one trait you learn from your parents. If you view your glass as half full your children are likely to do so too. Your husband got a new job which is high paying but in a remote region. How do you react? Do you fall into depression thinking how will you pass the time there or you start making plans to engage yourself?
Anxiety and problem solving skills
How do you behave when confronted by an everyday problem? For example you have a huge dinner party today and your maid falls sick and cannot come. Do you panic and start talking about how difficult it will be now or you immediately start making alternative plans like maybe you can call the neighbor’s maid. Our level of anxiety when confronted by a problem and our problem solving skills is something our children definitely learn from us.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from life’s misfortunes and to cope with stress and adverse situations. Your children observe how quickly you bounce from a negative event like the loss of a job, financial distress, death of a loved one or relationship issues or you keep wallowing in your grief for a long time.
If you have a cheerful disposition and enjoy life it is likely your children will also turn out be cheerful, happy individuals. Again this is linked to optimism.
So mamas, be happy, optimistic and enjoy your life and you will automatically raise happy children! 😀 And remember all these traits can be learned, your personal development as a person is linked to your growth as a mom 🙂